The Perpetual Battle

Depression. I talk about it a lot.  Now, I’m not talking about the occasional sad feeling.  i’m talking about that deep, soul-crushing dark hole, where you can’t even imagine what the light looks like. I mean utter hopelessness and despair.  THAT kind of sadness.  It’s had a recurring role in my life for as long as I can remember.  Lately, however, I’ve been having a particularly rough time.

I’m not going to delve too deeply into the reason for my current bout of depression, because it’s far too complicated and personal to post here.  Seems funny coming from me, doesn’t it?  I mean, considering all the highly personal things I’ve posted before, but I digress.

ANYWAY, on top of the “base” depression, I’ve also been very discouraged with myself.  There’s been so many times I’ve declared that I’m sucking it up, I have my shit under control, etc.  And then eventually, I find myself falling right back to that dark place in my head.  But then it hit me: Depression is not something that you fight once.  You have to fight it every day.  Sometimes, you have to fight it every second of every minute of every day, over and over again.  It’s not something that will ever be truly conquered once and for all.  It doesn’t make me weak, worthless, or unlovable, like I’ve been feeling the last couple of weeks or so.  It makes me a flawed, imperfect human being that just happens to have a mental illness.  And that’s ok.  I am still strong.  I still have worth.  And I am still deserving of love and affection.

I just felt like I needed to share that. 

  

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