Depression. It sucks.

In my goal to track my self-talk more, I’ve been making note of random thoughts of mine as they occur, good or bad.  These cover the past 24 hours or so, minus work stuff.  I’m feeling better in this moment, though.  It’s truly amazing how just getting my thoughts out in a semi-organized form helps me gain perspective.

What a chaotic mess my brain can be sometimes!  Depression is a son of a bitch.

“If someone with all the resources and support that someone like Robin Williams had can’t keep it together and stay alive, what hope do the the rest of us have?”

“I don’t want to fight any more.  I’m too tired of it all.”

 “I’m pathetic.  People hate me.  Everyone just pities me too much to say so to my face.”

“I’m losing my friends because I’m too negative and I complain too much. But if I don’t vent, I feel like I will explode.”

“I have a lump in my breast.  I don’t want to die and leave my kids.”

“People who are mean to other people just because they can really need to be kicked in the face.”

“It doesn’t matter what I do or how hard I try.  It will never be enough.  I will never be enough.  For me, or anyone else.” 

“I think I need to go back on an anti-depressant, but it feels like failure.”

“I deserve to be judged.”

“Life.  Sometimes, it just really sucks.”

“I need to go back to therapy.”

“I don’t have time for therapy.”

“I am broken.”

“I need to MAKE time to take better care of myself.”

“I really am fucking crazy.”

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